Lucky for me, "you're hired" and "come to work" ended up being weeks apart. February began with the worst stomach flu our young family has yet expelled. I had dinner plans the night it struck -- dinner far away from these little germ cultures called kids. I had to cancel my plans. In fact, we canceled all plans for days.
We moved some waterproof mattresses to the kitchen, the only large area without carpet in our house. We spent the night holding our tiny little martyrs while they gave up every last drop of digestion with painful heaving.
The plague spread to each child, then to Christa, then to me. We survived. With sore throats that became head colds then coughs. When the snots were finally leaving us, diarrhea joined us -- prompting a Rug Doctor rental.
The baby was spared the diarrhea. His cold migrated into pink eye. Pink eye is the most contagious germ on the planet. We bathed everyone in antibacterial sanitizer hourly, we washed the sheets and clothes and toys, we burned that velvetine rabbit that seemed so much like a real bunny. Still everyone caught it.
When our eyes recovered, another head cold swept the family. Brian was working by now and missed this cold. We treated it aggressively and it went away after seven days (left untreated, it could have taken as long as a week). Snot free, we all caught pink eye again.
We used so many different kinds of eye drops that we have documented exactly which kind of ophthalmic vinaigrette hurts worst and least and which leaves less aftertaste.
To celebrate our first germ-free week, we planned a Saint Patrick's Day party. We tried to invite everyone. (Sorry if we missed you or you missed it.) Just in time, Brian finally caught the head cold and had to be heavily medicated during the drinking and festivities. After one and a half months, we are now healthy. Quality of life in our house has improved to the steady level of teething-induced crabbiness.
The moral is this, whatever you do, wash your hands, don't touch children and never skimp on eye drop medicine.
This message brought to you by the Flannery Institute of Epidemiology.
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